Sunday, July 12, 2009 • 9:10 PM
Warning. Content of this blog entry may seem rather... emo. Ever since I was young, I didn't like to talk about my family. Even if it appears that I did, I just share the good things. Never once did I told anyone the whole picture of my so called happy family. I have always wanted to write about this ever since I had a blog, but I just didn't have the guts to do so. So, I finally think that I need to let you in. The reason this topic even triggered in the first place was what happened a few moments ago : 12 July 1930 hours.
Have you been hit several times for absolutely no good reason? You wish to tell the people at home but you were too afraid of the consequence? Felt hurt that nobody else who was near the area you were suffering showed any concern at all? Unable to believe that they put the blame on you instead? Wondered that you might die in just moments and nobody would even care? Felt that you can go crazy in a few seconds? Your mind went black as you realised that this wasn't the first time? Wished that you could just die and not feel anymore pain? Cried so much that you ran out of tears? Punched the walls and bite your pillow til' it hurts? Again, I repeat, the idea of death? Lips dried, throat sore after all the water drained out your eyes? Having the thought of running away from your 'sanctuary' to anywhere else but there? Just wished that everyone would just vanish so you won't have to suffer anymore?
I'm sorry. As I'm typing this, I realised my face is wet.
I wonder sometimes how I cope with bottling up all this sh*t. Just so you know, I don't think asking me this thing in person is such a good idea. I just wanted to let you in on my real life. I'm in such a sucky mood right now.
I can't wait for school tomorrow. Can laugh and joke with people. Need to get back in the mood.
See ya. Thanx for reading.
